Tender Mercies: He Knows Us

     A couple of weeks ago my dad's side of the family gathered together to bid farewell to my cousin as he prepared to leave for Ukraine for his mission. We were asked to share with him our most treasured thoughts/lessons learned from our missions to help him in his endeavors. At first. it was tough for me to decide what to share with him, but after thinking about it, it was more obvious than I thought: God knows who I am! He is ever so aware of every little thing in my life. The ups and downs. The little things that scare me, that others may scoff at. Even the things that I don't pray for or about. It was a powerful lesson that I now realize God has been trying to teach me for many years. It came to a head through a very special experience on my mission.
     The story actually starts long before my mission. Its no surprise to many that I struggled a lot with my health growing up. I was a very very very picky eater, which resulted in my being very underweight most of my life. Keeping that in mind, you can imagine the struggle I had deciding to go on a mission. Now, don't get me wrong, more than anything I wanted to serve a mission. Nothing would ever stop me from going... except perhaps my health. I didn't think I would be allowed to go. As I filled out my papers, that was the greatest fear on my mind. The hardest thing was going to the doctor, knowing that I probably would be too small to go. But then a miracle happened, I was approved! Tender Mercy #1. But even with the approval another thing weighed on my mind: what kind of food would I be expected to eat where I went? When I opened my call, Hawaii Honolulu Mission, I was overcome with joy, but the fear quickly set in concerning the food. Fish. Yuck. Taro. Yuck. Poi. Yuck. To add onto it, Polynesians take great pride in feeding the missionaries. I knew they wouldn't ever respect me if I didn't eat what was offered. Again I was scared, and deeply contemplated not going.
      Luckily, I did not give up and endured the fear for 3 months. The morning that I was set apart as a missionary my dad gave me a blessing, as he did us all when we would leave on our missions, and in the blessing he promised me that no matter what was put in front of me, if I trusted the Lord and ate it, I would be able to eat it and wouldn't get sick. Tears filled my eyes because I hadn't even really prayed and told God about it, yet here he answered that unheard prayer. I left for the mission. My first night in Hawaii I had fish. There it was in front of me. I remembered the blessing, said a prayer in my heart, closed my eyes, and took a bite. I loved it! Oh how God knew me! I never got sick because of the food I ate. I learned to love so much and my health improved. Somehow I was able to work to exhaustion day after day. And when I was transferred to a bike area, I was strengthened. I came home exhausted, but with a powerful lesson learned. God knew who I was! My heart was full. I did it. Because of God, I did it. People ask me why I still talk about Hawaii so much, asserting that I need to let it go and "come home." But they have no idea what God did for me out there. For the first time in my whole life, I felt like I was known by God. The people there accepted me for who I was, even when at times I was learning to like the food. It is a constant reminder of my most precious lesson in life. That is why I still talk about and jump for joy when I see those Polynesians I love so much. Later on I found out that my experience/story helped to literally save the life of a cancer patient who was scared to eat while doing therapy by inspiring her to trust God! God is amazing!
     Today I was reminded again of that lesson. This morning I was privileged to attend the farewell of someone I consider to be one of my most precious friends. I hadn't talked to her for a very long time. But when I was able to talk to her after her talk, I was almost brought to tears as she recounted to me what was happening in my life and asked how I was doing. She still cared about me as a close friend. You are probably wondering why I sound so surprised, well lets just say that because of my huge crush on her in high school, we had a complicated "history." But even during that time of our lives she helped me through what I consider to be one of the greatest trials of my life. And she stuck with me through it all, when no one else did. That is why she is such a precious friend to me. Today I realized how blessed I was for God bringing her into my life. And now as she goes her separate way I thank God for her. He knew me back then, and still knows me now by keeping my close friends with me. Since being home I have met a couple of other friends whose presence in my life has changed me for the better. Many are going their own ways so we don't see each other too often, but they have still changed my life.
     Whether it is sending friends to us in times of need, or answering the unsaid prayers. God is always there. His tender mercies fill our lives to remind us that He knows us and cares. I would invite you to take time and ponder His tender mercies in your life. If you are wondering if He loves you or want to know if He knows your deepest fears, I promise you can find the tender mercies that teach you that He is there. I testify of His love. He cares, always!

A Tiny Spark of Hope: Don't Give Up

     At times life is so simple.  Eat, sleep, work, school, social life (and/or dating), the Gospel, and family are the 6 simple facets of life.  Most of the time, they are pretty manageable as far as time goes.  Yes there are little flare-ups here and there in any given facet that demands more time, but through the ups and downs of life you can usually make your way.  And in the end, all you have to do to be happy is live the gospel.  It’s just that simple… Or is it?

     Out of nowhere an endless cloud of despair enshrouds your life.  All of a sudden you watch as the simple explodes into inexplicable complexity that just will not let you be.  Your mind is seized by inescapably dark, terrifying, and distressing thoughts that sink you deeper into despair.  To an outsider looking inward at you, they just see another “down” on life’s rollercoaster, but to you it seems to spiral never-endingly downward.  Seemingly simple bumps in the road, like getting a flat tire or getting sick, pile up and weigh you down more.  The little things that brought you joy your whole life are but fleeting moments now.  You watch as your family, whom you love so very very much, falls apart in front of your eyes.  Your friends are moving on with life, but you are still stuck in the middle of the road, exactly where you were months ago.  School just adds to the already complex situation, along with church callings and work. There is so much that you want to do and be, but it all just seems impossible.   You worry about every little thing you say to others, especially those who you are so close too, because you don’t want them to see you when you are weak when all you’ve tried to do is be strong for them in case they had hard times.  No one needs to see these wars fought in the personal chambers of your heart.  Often in public you have to exhort great effort just to hold back the tears, but as soon as you are alone, the floodgates open.  Even when surrounded by so many, you’ve never felt so alone.  The simple primary answers just aren’t cutting it.  As you pray, it seems the only answers you get are more trials.  Where is the balm in Gilead?  Where is the command for the tempest to cease?  God, are you there?

     Then one night as you stifle the cries and hold back the tears through closed eyes you notice something.  You aren’t sure if you are actually seeing something with your eyes or if your spiritual eyes are seeing it, but there appears to be a tiny flame, a spark, in the darkness.  You aren’t sure what it is, but its flicker somehow warms your soul enough to get you up the next day to try one more time.  At the end of the next day, there it is again.  You begin to realize that it has been there the whole time.  At times it has taken various corporeal forms of sorts: mission memories, scriptures, the smile of a beautiful angel, friends, music, and so much more. 

     Yet at the same time there is one form that connects them all: the face of your Savior.  He is smiling with a face that can only ever express love.  The words of a great hymn come to mind “I believe in Christ, so come what may…” You sang that hymn with such conviction before and have never doubted it, why doubt now?  Christ is there.  He always has been, even when testing your faith like never before.  You realize what that spark is: Hope.  It is the hope in Christ that never fails.  “Don’t give up, boy” he seems to say “Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead—a lot of it—You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come.” Anything is possible because of him.  The clouds disappear.  The sun comes out.  Peace returns to the soul. “oh yeah, life is simple when you turn to Christ…” Satan tries again and again to bring you back to that valley of despair, and on some days he succeeds, but no matter how hard he tries he cannot put out that flickering spark when you close your eyes.  The Savior always triumphs.

     To any who are reading this, I hope that perhaps that the spirit will testify to you as it has to me that the Savior is there.  Some of you may be in despair, yet still smiling to the outside world. Some of you may be suffering financially, emotionally, spiritually, with friends, family, or in many other ways big or small.  Don’t be ashamed to feel sorrow for things that the world would consider trivial, but are important to you.  Whatever your case may be know this: The Savior is there.  He is the Savior who will never abandon you.  To him, everything you do is important.  All achievements, small or great, fill him with joy.  And in the darkest of hours he is still there.  Trust me… I know from personal experience.  Please feel free to share this with anyone you now who is struggling or feel free to comment.  I testify to you of the Savior with all my heart! Close your eyes.  Look for the tiniest spark, the tiniest flicker of hope, the Savior.

Finding Solutions vs. Finding Soul-lutions

     "WELCOME HOME ELDER MAJOR!!" came the overwhelming scream from the bottom of the escalator. Tears welled up in my eyes, "I'm home" was the thought in my mind, but at the same time I had just left home. As I embraced my mom my thoughts were swimming with images of Hawaii, my friends in Orem, family, doubts, and desperate attempts to remember what "normal" life was like. After a blurry 45 minute ride home, I walked through the door of my house of 15 years, yet now it seemed so foreign. "Do I even remember where my own room is?" There in the family room was a card from my friends. Again the same phrase "WELCOME HOME ELDER MAJOR!" Looking back I wish it had the subtitle 'now real life begins, prepare for a roller-coaster' because after the initial shock of arriving home my life of adjustment began. Little did I know how difficult it would be and how much closer I would need to come to my Savior and my Heavenly Father.
     My purpose in writing this blog is to share with you one of the great lessons I have learned since that day almost one year ago. I'm hoping that it may serve to aid anyone who is searching for direction in life, regardless of whether or not they are really struggling or just experiencing normal life's ups and downs. It is for both groups of people. It all comes down to finding solutions vs. soul-lutions
     So many challenges have arisen since coming home.  One of the first things I realized was that I needed a job. I'm very blessed because my parents offer all of us boys a beginning job here at the house when we first come back. It is a great job. I'm learning a lot of handman skills, financial skills, and other things that are preparing me for future fatherhood. However, I quickly learned the difficulty of working at home. I became the center of many less-than-cordial conversations concerning who I work for more, my mom or my dad. Also, I realized that I had quickly lost my independence, financial and emotional, that I had gained on the mission because I had everything provided for by my parents. My self-discipline waned. Over the course of this year I've searched and searched for solutions, including trying to create a strict schedule of my time or leaving the house while things cooled down. But it seemed no matter what I did I just couldn't find a permanent solution.
    I also found myself lost in the big sea of dating once I arrived home. I'll be honest, I was excited because now dating was "for real" I had never dated anyone in High School or even attempted to (though I did wish for it sometimes). Just to let you know, dating isn't like what it was in High School. That is what I quickly learned. I have been averaging about 2 dates a month since coming home, with maybe 1 or 2 months with none at all. I met a lot of wonderful girls and had great experiences, but it just seemed that a first date was all I could get.  Again I started looking for solutions. I trained myself to be better at small talk, I constantly evaluated my date "performance" and tried to change who I was to be more "appealing", at least that is what I thought in my mind. But the solutions just didn't fix it.
     Similar stories of searching for solutions were part of all other aspects of my life.  School, friendships, and even church. And I think that is so often what all of us are looking for. We want solutions to life's challenges.  We look to ourselves, professionals, friends, and family often to find ways to fix our problems or to make life just a little bit better. Often solutions work with many temporal things.  An accountant can be very helpful in filing taxes, or therapists help many many people learn tactics to deal with the everyday stresses of life. I'm not trying to discredit solutions at all, but the often difficult thing is that they only last for a little while, and we can become so reliant upon them that we forget about the higher power watching over us. Over time, I eventually gave up on finding solutions to my problems, and it was when I humbled myself that I was reminded that I needed to begin looking for soul-lutions. I remembered how in the mission, it was never my own merits that would solve things, but the Lord.  No matter how hard the days were, I knew that the Lord was in charge.
     It was once I stopped asking myself for guidance (ie what can I do to be better, how can I be a better date, how can I make my family better) and turned to the Lord that I began to see the light. The fog began to lift.  I started receiving soul-lutions to my problems. The spirit would come to me and reveal things to me that would be perfect for every situation, and more often than not it was something completely different than the solution I had come up with.  I soon learned that I was working for my parents because my mom needed support because of her waning health. In return, she became a mouthpiece for the spirit to teach me and fill me with wisdom. Even more so, the spirit brought peace to my soul concerning my job. In dating, the spirit taught me to be calm and realize that I needed to slow down and just be me. It isn't a race to finish (that isn't what Elder Scott meant!), but a journey to find someone with whom I can spend eternity with. Instead of me searching out for people to answer my questions, the Lord sent them to me. Life began to make sense.
     Soul-lutions quite often, at least for me, aren't specific directions as to what to do in life. Rather they are feelings of hope, peace, and love from an all wise Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ. They make the impossible seem possible. They make us better instead of change who we are. They make us feel worth something instead of make us search for flaws. They open our eyes to truth about situations and problems. Soul-lutions are the Lord's fixes to the world. Sometimes they don't make sense or they don't take away the problem at hand. And sometimes the Lord doesn't say anything at all but entrusts us to make decisions on our own, but at the same time he supports us all the way through.  I compare soul-lutions to the manna fed to Israel in the wilderness.  The BD describes it as a substance that cannot be found anywhere in this mortal world, and Israel even asked "what is it?" But it filled them and was provided by heaven.  So too soul-lutions cannot be provided by the mortal, but are heaven sent.  They feed us in ways that the solutions cannot.
     Solutions are the worldly ways to fix things. In the end, the question is if we are willing to swallow our pride and accept the soul-lutions the Lord gives us, or are we going to try and do it on our own? We are children of God! He wants to help us! We need to humble ourselves, recognize that, and be willing to accept the soul-lutions that He gives us. They aren't always what we want, but they are always what we need! So I invite any who read this, including myself, to ask "am I looking for soul-lutions or solutions?" and really evaluate yourself.  Soul-lutions will bring peace to your soul. I know that from my experience. It is a lesson that I've relearned since being home, and it was a precious lesson that helped me make it through two years in Hawaii. The Lord does care. I hope we can all learn to listen to and trust Him.

They Call it Courage: Following Footsteps of Faith

Its almost midnight and I've been doing homework for hours now, but my head is swimming with thoughts that have been bugging me for quite some time.  Lets just say that in the past few months I've had some of the greatest lessons taught to me that are just stuck. They are lessons concerning courage.  What is courage you ask? That is an interesting question, and a difficult one to answer.  I'll start with an example from my own life then elaborate and provide more examples.  The example is my Grandpa Major.  My Grandpa Major is the greatest man I have ever met in my life. He passed away almost 7 years ago... wow has it been that long... my grandpa never knew riches or wealth or the easy life. His father committed suicide when he was just a small boy and he was raised by a single mother during the Great Depression. Despite his difficult circumstances, he never was hindered by them in deciding to be great.  When he turned 18 he served a mission opening up much of what is now part of the mission in Uruguay, even though back then serving a mission was not popular among young men, and actually very difficult to do.  But he went.  Upon coming home he met my grandmother, a woman not easy to woo, but he persisted. They were married and raised 5 children. His career of choice hardly was one that provided convenience for his family, but he loved being an artist and he stuck with it.  My memories of him are only memories of love and perseverance. The passion for chivalry expressed in my previous blog I attribute to this great man. Although wealth was never his companion, I've never seen so many people attend a funeral service before because of the love and courage this man had exemplified in his life. I miss him so much. I don't think I've ever looked up to a man more than him.  

Courage to me is more than just facing danger and evil. Its more than saying no to drugs. Looking at my grandpa, I see that courage is the willingness to pursue what is right.  To be what we desire to be. To choose to love and care rather than acquire praise and honor. It takes courage to trust in yourself.  It takes courage to follow through on promptings given by the spirit.

But of course, you may have heard many of these definitions before. So I want to share some things I've learned take courage in the life of an average college student.  I, like many, have realized how swamped I am with school, work, and diminishing social activities. Yet, I will now admit that I have not taken upon myself as much as I know that I can.  I have come to realize that I have been living a very very easy life compared to many others. Friends, my grandpa, and other family members of mine are soo busy being grown up, and here I am living in the plush comforts of my parents house.  It takes courage to grow-up and take upon ourselves the responsibilities of adulthood.  It takes courage to add a few more work hours. It takes courage to get another job, to save money, and to provide for a family.  It takes courage to stay up late at night to finish homework that needs to be done.  It takes courage to say no, even when just another 30 minutes with friends would be so good.  But it also takes courage to find time to relax. It takes courage to get the right amount of sleep every now and then. It takes courage to be a friend to everyone.

Everything in our life is affect by our courage.  Think of when you know you've received revelation for yourself, that goes contrary to what the crowd may do, (ie dating, going on a mission, etc..) it takes courage to follow those promptings.  It takes courage to be patient in waiting for the one, or to finally get the guts to ask that special someone out.  It takes courage to stick it out to the end.  It takes courage to want to follow God's will more than what you desire, even if it is a righteous desire and you know your heart will hurt so much letting go.  It takes courage to shed tears and cry to the Lord from the depths of despair for the smallest things in your life. He does know you! It takes courage to be what the Lord wants you to be.
Anyway, I just thought I would share my thoughts with you.  As a last thought, to me courage is the connection between faith and action.  It takes courage to follow the things that we have faith in. Let us all pray that we can have courage to do, and be what we need to!

Dating 101: Basic Rules, mainly for men :)

     Since being home I have been astonished by the horrific dating stories from my friends and family, mainly those of the female gender.  Quite frankly I've been embarrassed by my own gender and some of the stupid things they say and do relating to dating. (Hey that rhymed!) Now, I'm definitely not perfect at dating, in fact ask any girl I'm quite horrible at casual conversation on dates (in any situation for that matter, especially if I am particularly interested haha) and have had a few train-wrecks, but there are some basic rules that every man should be able to abide by regardless of experience level (for lack of a better term) I will go so far as to say that if someone refuses to or cannot live by most, if not all, of these rules, they should be kept from the dating scene until they can! I will warn you that I am very biased and blunt when in comes to addressing other males about this subject, partially because men have the primary responsibility to set-up and see that dates run well. I will also attempt to give some tips to the girls to make it easier for them to cope with the male tendency to be less-than-perfect on a date corresponding to each of their tips. Some tips you may disagree with, so don't put all of your eggs into this basket, but I think that you should get the main idea by the end. This is a blog I've long wanted to write, so here are a few very biased and blunt tips. Enjoy!

Men - RULES

1. Open the Door! How many times do I have to say it?! Open all doors, including letting her out of the car. And don't you dare honk your horn and expect her to come to the car! You had better go to the door and get her! Remember she reserves the right to cancel the date. :)
2. Plan the activity before you even ask her out! It is so rude to ask her out, and then ask "what do you want to do?" when you get in the car! At least have the respect to take time to plan something out! It is sweet if you can say "hey this Friday           is having a concert and I thought of you. Would you like to join me for ____?" And maybe call a day before to confirm specifics about time and pickup location. Oh and call to ask her out, not text.
3. Don't talk too much about your mission! Sorry, but this is about her, not you! If she asks you about the mission, train yourself to answer only the question asked, not to continue onward. Keep the answer short and sweet. And no "I'm Bueno, oops, sorry I'm just 'accidentally' slipping into my mission language."
4. Ask her questions! Get to know who she is! Remember this is about her, but at the same time don't ask question after question. In other words don't be so anxious to ask questions as to get rid of casual conversation, that might make you seem kind of creepy/stalker. When talking, watch your language, jokes, and sarcasm carefully. She is sensitive, plus because she is a Daughter-of-God, certain topics are definite no no's! (ie bodily functions/body humor etc. She may laugh, but really she deserves better!)
5. Be prepared to pay the price wherever you eat! If you don't have the budget to go to Chef's Table don't offer to go there, there is no shame in telling her your budget limitations. This brings another point, when planning it might be smart to offer two or three choices to your date. This allows for you to control prices and for her to have a say in it. (especially good in case of food allergies/preferences)
6. Don't flash your credentials left and right! Stop thinking you are so cool and telling about all of your accomplishments or how much you can bench. (no flexing of muscles, gross) Truth is, we are dating way over our heads and out of our leagues. And ABSOLUTELY NO talking about other girls and previous girlfriends!
7. Always remember that she is a daughter-of-God! Your responsibility is to treat her as such! Her happiness, fun, and safety is encompassed in this responsibility. Treat her like a Queen! This is the overall principle to keep in mind when on a date! How would Heavenly Father treat her? And don't you dare try, or even think, to do anything that would make her feel that she has to choose between you and God's commandments! Oh and this includes the kinds of jokes and things you talk about! (Again see rule #4)

Women - TIPS

1. Give him opportunities to be chivalrous! Let him open your door to get out of the car not just into the car! If he honks, don't go; wait or call him and cancel. Seriously, you have the right to call off the date at anytime and demand to be taken home.
2. If he hasn't planned anything: well, if he calls with no specifics, you can ensure he plans something by saying something along the lines of "Yes, I'd love to go, but I would feel more comfortable if we had something planned before the date starts." If he shows up with no plan, again you reserve the right to call off the date, just try to be nice but firm about why. No need to make him cry. :)
3. If you are going to ask about the mission, be prepared! He probably will have a difficult time keeping it to a minimum, so if you are going to ask, please be sincere and listen, then when appropriate you may have to help him move on to the next subject.
4. Please talk back! Even if you don't really want to be on the date, it is rather rude to leave him in silence. Try to get to know him too! Don't give just give one word answers to his questions.
5. Inform him of food preferences! Don't be shy about making a choice about food, and please, there is no need to be embarrassed about how much you eat! In fact, it can turn into a fun competition! 
6. No talking about previous boyfriends! Yes, he may not be the most macho guy or be the knight in shining armor that you are infatuated with right now, but he deserves respect too. (this is a rule) Along the lines of respecting him, modesty is huge! (ie leggings are not pants, cover up) 
7. Lower your expectations! I know this seems kind of bold for me to say, but we are men. We are really stupid a lot of the time. If a man is honestly trying, I know you can tell when they are or not, treat him with respect and appreciation for his effort. Chances are Prince Charming won't come sweep you off of your feet. And if you are not interested, once again, you reserve the right/don't be afraid, to say no! You need to be honest about it. At the same time, do it in a kind gentle way. Trust me, it will hurt his feelings a lot less than 5 months of false hope for him, ending in a desperate plea from you saying no.
8. Again, if all else fails, you have power! Say NO! Demand to be taken home! Especially if he is asking you to choose between him and God! You have soooooo much influence over him its not even funny! And that is why you are so amazing! You are a daughter-of-God! You deserve the best!

So there are a few of my tips. Remember ladies, you don't have to settle. You may just be "accustomed" to certain ways that men treat you or act around you, and may even find yourself settling for less than you deserve. Don't settle! And men, don't you dare let her settle! Once again, I don't profess to be perfect. I do however openly profess to be a little bit bias on this subject. I hope I haven't offended anyone. Please comment and let me know what you think, or add more tips as you feel! Tips from women are especially appreciated/ needed. :)