Wow, can I tell you what an eventful past few months it has been? I can't believe how much I've had to draw close to my Heavenly Father just to make it from day to day. For many of you reading this, you are probably aware that almost two months ago I was in a serious Ice Skating accident that resulted in a severe concussion, serious brain hemorrhaging, and about 5 weeks of strict strict bed rest (no phone, no internet, no reading, no movies, very very limited music, no driving, no visitors...you get the picture). Just for kicks, I want you to imagine yourself in that situation. Sitting on your couch all day for 5 weeks...your mind would go crazy. And mine really did. Add the fact that my life really exploded and there wasn't a thing I could do about it.All of a sudden everything was up in the air...my job, grad school, and dating, to name a few things. So here I was, totally out of control of my life, and that is when God decided to step in and teach me some of the greatest lessons I have ever had received in my entire life. I wish to share a few with you in hopes that when you feel like things are up in the air you too can feel God's love for you, and perhaps reflect upon these to help you.
Lesson #1: I'm a Sinner and That's Ok, God Can Still Send His Spirit to Bless My Life. I don't know about any of you, but I beat myself up a whole heck of a lot over really small things. Honestly, one of the biggest struggles in my life, one of my greatest weaknesses, is not that I believe in myself too much (Pride) but that I don't believe enough (faithlessness). "How could God ever send the spirit to someone as sinful as me that I may make the right choice?" While on bed rest this thought permeated almost everything that I was worried about. I felt like Alma the younger as my life would play over and over and over again in my head like a movie. "I am such a sinner." However, sometime during my hopeless stupor the spirit opened my eyes to see that such thoughts could never be inspired by the spirit. Why would the spirit seek to put me down? Even when it corrects, it never puts us down and makes us feel like achieving spirituality is an impossibility. I had been listening to the wrong voice my entire life and because of that, I struggled often to hear the spirit. True, I am very much a sinner, but I was also reminded of a talk given by Elder Pieper to my mission once when he taught us about how even when we hold on to our "favorite sins" God can work miracles through us because the Atonement has paid for them. That is how even in sin, you and I are called to callings and asked to hear the spirit of the Lord. As Elder McKonkie once said, as long as we are "striving, struggling, and desiring" the spirit can always be granted to us.
Lesson #2: I Am Me. I'm going to be honest here, I really struggle with the challenges that accompany dating. I've been told time and time again that I am a really really great guy and have even been set up on blind dates with the assurance they have been told "so much about me" but never, as of yet, have they ever panned out. Its taken a toll on my self confidence and I've searched and searched for answers as to why. "It must be something wrong with me" therefore I changed a lot of how I approached dating and have changed myself a lot, yet nothing worked. During my bed rest I had plenty of time to think about it, and I finally came to this conclusion: I am me, and as such I have the choice to be what I want to be. I do not need to worry myself with what others want me to be, but what God wants me to be. And, until I tried too hard to be something else, I have always felt comfortable with my choices to be a person who serves others. I now look back on my life, especially dating, and realize that I have hundreds of friends whose lives I have been an instrument in helping, and I am at peace with that. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a quirky, nervous-wreck of a dork when it comes to dating! But ultimately who I am does not need to change just because it affects my dating or what not. We do not need to worry ourselves with changing to fit the standards of the world. We need to worry ourselves with being what God wants us to be.
Lesson #3: Our Greatest Desire Should Always Be to Seek God's Will: Wait on the Lord To piggy back off the last lesson, I learned that so much of what we seem to seek after in this life is really not that important. Ultimately, all that we really should seek after is the approval of God. The phrase "Wait on the Lord" seemed to be the theme of my recovery. First, my dad mentioned it in a blessing; second, one of my friends said it to me after she came to visit me; and third, the compassionate service committee from my ward wrote it in a get well note to me. If that's not a spiritual slap in the face I don't know what is! God really wanted me to listen and learn this lesson. So what does it mean to wait on the Lord? It means that quite often we are sitting just waiting to hear that voice. We continue to live our lives of spiritual duty until God reveals his will to us concerning the question we may have asked. It means that we often need to take a back seat to watching the Lord open up doors in our lives. What about being proactive/"anxiously engaged"? Many people may scoff at my "just sit and wait" approach. One, you misunderstand if you think I am suggesting you sit and do nothing. Two, Its a cultural thing that we have to always be busy doing something or going somewhere, not a doctrinal one. Our lives are busy busy busy!! Well, my thought is this: anxiously engaged refers more often than not to active service in the church, and as we are doing that, the Lord will open doors for us that can lead us to receiving answers to prayers. We must then be proactive in choosing one of those doors and watch as the Lord makes something out of our choice. Most often, I don't think he opens just one door, but many and then wants us to choose one. It matters not which for all are good. My advice would be this: if you are earnestly seeking to hear God, focus more on being a strong disciple of Christ while making choices to move forward in life, then the Lord will reveal himself in his own time and in his own way. And if you are living worthy of the spirit, at some point you will recognize his voice. Until then, just hold on to the ride and wait patiently. Take a deep breath, and relax...all will be ok. You will stress yourself out too much by always going and doing sooo much. Take time to wait and listen. And while you are at it, take time to enjoy the simple things like partaking of the sacrament, doing your hometeaching, etc... those commandments that you know how and when to do are essential to being anxiously engaged. In the end, you cannot afford to either be too busy, or too distracted to hear/see the voice of the Lord in your life. It is the fruit that is delicious above all other fruit. And ultimately, it is the only one worth telling you that your choice is a good one. Trust me on this, that is the only confirmation worth hearing, especially with big life choices like marriage and a career.
Anyway, those are probably the three biggest lessons that I can offer you. I really hope something I said can help at least one of you! I leave my testimony of the Christ and his Gospel! They are true. He lives and loves us sooooo much! Feel free to post, repost, or comment on this blog. I would love it if it helped someone you know!
