Choosing Hope and Happiness: Yes, it is a choice

     So there are two different spiritual world-views competing for our attention.  The adversary's and the Savior's.  Recently I have been pondering about the eternal potential of all of us, and how we often shift our gaze from that potential by choosing to accept and view the world through the false-hood that is created by the adversary.  I will share 2 scriptures to illustrate the two differing views.  Scripture #1 represents the view of the adversary (although it also illustrates the Savior), and how appropriate that it comes from 2 Nephi 2, verse 27: "Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself."
     Here is the view that the adversary would have us believe. In this view, we are trapped and controlled by all things that are outside of our being. Meaning, we have no power to control our happiness or the difficulties of life. Modern psychology (yep, i'm referring to it) is a prime example of this. It teaches us that we have no control over the emotional states that we find ourselves in everyday. The neuro-chemicals (only one of the many theories of personality and being) in our brain determine who we are, how we act, and are mere puppets of carnal desires that apparently we are born with.  If we choose to believe this view, we become captive to outside influences. We become captive to the belief that we were born with carnal desires (we call this the "natural man")) and that life is supposed to be difficult, and as a consequent to this belief, the difficulties of life are difficult.  With this view we cannot hope to change who we are, and we simply hope that the Savior's grace will somehow magically make everything better one day in the future, but for now we cannot hope to be happy because of our carnal selves and world. Life is a struggle with the difficult, not a quest for joy.   Now, if you are surprised by my bluntness, please keep reading, it will all make sense as I now explore the other worldview.
     The scripture I choose to represent this view is found in Matthew 11, verse 29-30: "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." This is an invitation from the Savior to be yoked with him in viewing the world as a place of joy. I am amazed at how often we use the cliche "He never said it would be easy, he only said it would be worth it" when right here the Savior is saying that it can be easy! (BTW, show me where he even said that phrase...sorry if I push anyone's buttons with this, but what a dismal view of the world and the Plan of Salvation) Even amidst the difficulties of life, he is telling us here that if we are willing to be yoked with him those difficulties do not have to be difficult! WE HAVE A CHOICE! When we choose to view the world in this way, all of a sudden we are free to choose life! When difficulties arise, we choose to look toward the Savior and face them head on with true hope and trust that all things will be for our good!
     And I now know what you are thinking. "but Sam haven't you ever cried over something difficult? How can you say life isn't hard?" Well first off, yes my life has thrown me some very very difficult curveballs. Secondly, I am not professing to be perfect at choosing to be happy and viewing the world with the Savior's eyes. Thirdly, I am not saying that it is a sin to choose to cry when hard things happen.  What I am saying is that the Savior is inviting us to be yoked with him so that those tears can turn to gratitude and over time, we can learn to see hope, rather than despair, at all times! We are no longer slaves, but we can choose to be free! Free from the outside influences of the world, from the false beliefs of our determined happiness or misery! I do not discredit being born with certain weaknesses, or even there are those who are born with mental handicaps etc... however I am dis-credting the belief that we are born with evil desires within us that are beyond our control (i.e. the "natural man"; I am happy to talk about the scripture Mos. 3:19 with you and what I think it is really saying if you ask me), and the belief that we must surrender ourselves to believe in the difficulties of life!
     Everyday we are presented with the challenge to view the world in one of the two ways. For must of us mortals, we kind of fluctuate between the two. That is another reason why the Atonement is so amazing! He makes up for our inability to always choose him! The Savior wants us to be happy! 2 Nephi 2, verse 25: "Adam fell that man might be, and men are that they might have joy" Our purpose in life is to be happy! To learn to be happy even when life is hard. Perhaps happy isn't the best word, maybe I will switch it to hope. We are free to choose the hope or to choose the despair!
     Again, I am not perfect at this! None of us are! But we need to not forget a least a couple of very important things about this life: 1) we have a choice in all things to either view the world with hope or despair. I have only highlighted a few difficulties of choosing despair. 2) the influence of the adversary is real! I think we give too much credit to ourselves for the sins we commit, thinking that it is "naturally" who we are, when in reality Satan is using this belief to keep us from seeing his handiwork in our lives. 3) The Savior can life our burdens at all times and therefore we can find joy in this life! This blog is only a small portion of some of the thoughts I have had on the topic, and I am willing to talk more about it with anyone! The reason I do this is not to be controversial or to stir anyone to anger, you don't have to believe what I am saying, but I share this because of the great hope it has instilled in my soul and I wish others to taste of it! I testify of the Savior's love! Our lives can be changed by him! The Church is true no matter what, and God is there no matter what! He will help us with our weaknesses, he will heal our broken hearts! May we ever choose Him!

The Dating World: It Just Feels Right

     I've just been on a spiritual high the past few days! So here I am writing another blog about life and some of the lessons I've been learning when I probably should be writing my 10 page paper. I am going to give a quick foreword to what I will be discussing in this blog. This is a blog about dating (again, but not rules for me this time haha) so therefore a lot of what I say has emotional baggage, and may not come out the way I want to. I do not intend to discriminate against anyone or their choices. I do not intend to confess perfect understanding or perfection in these matters.  I also do not intend to offend anyone. These are simply observations and lessons learned that I feel to share, and the anecdotes provided are meant to illustrate, but may not apply to the generalizable public. Please just keep and open mind, and understand these are just my thoughts.
     With that opening I'm guessing that you are thinking I'm going to be super serious. However, I want to be joyful in what I share! My thoughts are concerning dating. Specifically I want to address the often used proverbial phrase "He/She is the one." For the longest of times, and even every now and then I would get confused, angered, bitter, and terrified by this phrase. You hear it all of the time when people talk in retrospect (looking back/hindsight) about their significant other. You also hear it, although far less often nowadays, in reference to the search (dating) for "the one."
     This made me confused first and foremost because it sounded like God determined that we had to marry that person! Not only is this logic riddled with fallacy, but it never seemed to work that way for me! I could never find the one! I became angry and bitter. Every time someone told me I was "so amazing" and then rejected me drove the pain even closer to the heart and I became even more bitter! Why not me if I'm "so amazing"? That angry was coupled with fear that I would never find someone. Eventually I would be caught in a miserable and bitter cycle. Thankfully the Lord is ever so patient with me. He would bring me peace to last just a little bit longer. During those times He would whisper me one of these lessons, and little by little my heart and my nature has started to change.
     First lesson: humility. What if God told us who to marry? Even though it is the one thing we know He will never do because there is no "one" but what if he did? Just like Abraham knowing that God would never ask him to sacrifice Isaac, yet God asked him to. Do we have the faith and the humility to accept that? This is the attitude we must have! Understand that 99% of the time it won't happen like that; however, that is no excuse for a prideful condition of our heart to not be willing to accept His counsel or commandment if it comes. (look up the talk entitled "but if not"April Gen'l Conference 2004) This a short yet most powerful lesson and key to dating!
     Second lesson: agency is key. Brethren, I'm sorry but be honest, do any of you feel bitter in the slightest bit when a girl chooses to go on a mission rather than date? Recently I made a comment on Facebook about the prevalence of female attendance at Marriage prep courses correlated with the lack of desire to date and an the excuse being going on a mission. Many people laughed and said something like "girls don't know what they want" but some people were quite offended, "why not go on a mission?!" "going to the class doesn't mean I'm ready, or I have to get married now!"I sat back and laughed, though admittedly I wished I was more clear in expressing my comment as being sarcastic. Wow, why are we so ashamed of the choices we make that at times we feel we have to defend it? I'm sorry boys, but they have made a choice between two goods, and it is because they have agency. Agency is the ability to choose between good and evil, but that does not mean that every choice has to be one or the other. It is possible to exercise that agency to choose between two goods! Is it hard and frustrating? Yes! Girls, yes it can be really really hard, especially when we think you are so amazing yet leaving on missions, please at least recognize that! However, do not be ashamed to go!
     By that same token, girls recognize that men make choices too! Yes I just said "you are all amazing" and you stand back and say "then why doesn't he want to date me?" First off, agency. Secondly, it would be impossible to ever get married if we had to date every single person who was amazing. A choice must be made! Both genders are imperfect and therefore are never going to be perfect at choosing a significant other that is perfect. True some are better than others, but sometimes we choose less. Either because we never got the chance to explore others, or simply because we chose. The trick though is to be honest and very specific in expressing that you made the choice. Like saying that you are not interested in someone. If you say that you'd better mean it. If you say "right now", then be ready to accept the consequences of expressing that. What I'm saying is that we do have a choice, but we also have an obligation to be honest with others. Anything else and we end up in the painful mess that happens all too often!  If you want to know further what I mean by agency and there being many good choices to choose from, please read on!
     Third lesson learned: what is really meant by "it just felt right/he or she was the one." My brother just got married and told me that he knew he was to marry his wife because "it just felt right." That is the seemingly universal sentiment shared by everyone who has a significant other! Those are not determinant feelings! Its not because Charisse was "the one" for my brother but because she was a wonderful, choice daughter of God! She was approved of the Lord! Not just for my brother, but I believe it could have been so for many others. I am glad that they chose each other! I do not fully understand God's guiding process in dating, but I do know He wants us to be happy. He brings people to our lives that are wonderful for us! And we, and they can choose! One of the most humbling experiences for me was when I realized that God knows the type or kind of person who I would be good with and I finally recognized that He has opened so many doors for me to meet those types of people! God can do the same for you! And some girl/guy may feel right, but chooses to pursue others! Great! Learn to find joy in his or her happiness!
     Corollary to lesson 3: God can approve many many people. There are thousands of doors that "just feel right" It could be that we choose to not step through one door even though we both feel good about it.  It could be that we are scared. It could be we chose a mission. It could be financial reasons. It could be a thousand other reasons, and guess what? That's okay! We choose those reasons, THEY DO NOT CHOOSE US! It is okay to choose not to pursue someone, or when someone chooses that in regards to us. Albeit, that doesn't make it less painful, but choosing to feel pain is a reflection on the right reasons and feelings you have for that person. We are moral agents whose whole beings are directed toward relationships with others! And it hurts when those relationships are hindered in some way. However, God will be faithful and keep opening doors! Eventually you will step through one to find an eternal companion on the other side waiting at the altar, and that will be the greatest day of all!
     Now these are only a few of the things that I have learned. They do not express the full feelings of the spirit that I have felt.  They are not meant to be prescriptive in nature, rather descriptive of the dating experience and of the love of God for all of us! Let us have faith. If it feels right, or you know that someone you have met is wonderful, give it a chance. He/she or you may choose to make something of it. Or, you may choose otherwise. That is the way life is; agency is who we are! And if you are struggling with faith, choose now to test the faith and take a leap. Don't let the past weigh you down! Embrace the future and increase your faith! This is not something to be feared, but something to be excited about! I testify of God's love for us! His understanding and patience! Let us be more patient with Him and with those whom we date!

Facing Future: Letting go of the past

     Well it has been quite a while since I've written a blog.  So much has happened since last I wrote.  Miracles and sorrows.  Pains and great joys.  Life has definitely thrown me some great curveballs, and to say the least I have felt a least a little dazed, if not completely lost for quite some time.  But out of the confusing darkness we can find the great power of the Lord to answer our prayers and teach us who He is.  I am writing this blog to at least try to describe in the least what I consider the greatest learning curve of my life.  I say "greatest" to describe the awful pain and also the great wonderfulness that was associated with this time of my life.  I say "try" because it is impossible for mortal tongue to completely convey the feelings and teachings of the spirit, whose tutelage I have enjoyed the past few months.  I hope that maybe a few things that I say may help someone else who is struggling to move on with life.  Someone who feels stuck.  The one thing to remember while reading this is that it is a part of life to be stuck at times.  It is normal.  As my Mission President once counseled me, "we cannot be expected at this stage of our lives to not feel the pains of mortality.  And we cannot think that we are in trouble when we are lessened in our strivings for perfection because of the imperfections hindering us when life becomes difficult" (paraphrased).  I guess you can say that that is lesson #1.
     The second lesson has to do with understanding that no matter what happens God will answer your prayers eventually. Stop worrying about how or when, and take comfort in the fact that the Lord will answer your prayers.  He loves us. For me he has answered my prayers in so many ways.  And finally I have learned that I am worth something to Him and to others.  That is the final answer I had been looking for, for many years.  Many previous blogs were answers to other prayers that kind of helped me along the way, but He finally answered this final prayer.  And now I feel so enabled to face the future with confidence in myself, in others, and most importantly in my God. I can forgive my past and no longer am I bound by many of my biggest fears.  Thanks to my God for that answer.
     The third lesson is a corollary to the answer to my prayer: letting go of the past. It sounds easy, but quite often it is so hard. What does it really mean to let go of the past? Well first off it means that when we refer to people we know really well we can no longer describe them using the phrase "its just who they are"  What do I mean by that? Well, when we say that, we are assuming that they don't have the capacity to change. Rather, we unknowingly put a limit on the power of the atonement to literally change someone's nature.  This unfortunate fallacy is manifest when, for example, we say someone is has depression or is a depressed person.  Although we may see them become happier and healthier we still expect them to at one point return to their depression. What if the atonement has really changed who they are and they have moved on in life? Can we let go of the past and let them move on to the future? Can we not be excited that they have changed?
    Don't be offended that they have changed! And, I'm not saying that we stop helping those people when life gets tough again. Heaven knows that we all have emotional roller coasters in life. So don't abandon them! Still love them! Just because they are healed doesn't mean they are to be left on their own! In fact admire them and be with them all the more! However, make sure to see their future as a future of  possibilities rather than a prison of their past. And don't you dare hold them responsible for sin... that is NEVER your responsibility.  Bad habits, choices, and styles of life can change, let them change! Yet, I know you are wondering "but Sam, what if they don't see reality? what if it is dangerous to me? do I just be kind to them and still get hurt?" No! That is not what I am saying! But that is a topic in itself. If you want to talk about setting boundaries with sinners/dangerous relationships I have some insights I would love to share with you if you just contact me. Another point to make: avoid saying "cope" because the Lord can change who we are and "cope" means that you are unable to change, but are slave to the past. Change is so much more enabling than coping. We need to apply this to ourselves as well. Choose to not hold ourselves to the "i'm just that way" anymore. Yes, we have personalities that define us, but don't let your past define your future; both your mistakes and how you've navigated and viewed life. Yes we are Mormons heading toward perfection! But we are not perfectionists!
     Anyway, those are a few of my thoughts. I sure hope someone finds comfort in this. I testify that the Lord is there! He loves you and will send people your way to take care of you! He loves you! He loves you! He loves you! And if you can't feel that right now, know that I love you! There is at least one person on this earth that will show you he cares, and that is me! Please let me do whatever I can to help you! Please let me and the Lord help you! You are so amazing and so worth it!

PS- I know this is full of grammatical errors, sorry haha
       
   

Tender Mercies: He Knows Us

     A couple of weeks ago my dad's side of the family gathered together to bid farewell to my cousin as he prepared to leave for Ukraine for his mission. We were asked to share with him our most treasured thoughts/lessons learned from our missions to help him in his endeavors. At first. it was tough for me to decide what to share with him, but after thinking about it, it was more obvious than I thought: God knows who I am! He is ever so aware of every little thing in my life. The ups and downs. The little things that scare me, that others may scoff at. Even the things that I don't pray for or about. It was a powerful lesson that I now realize God has been trying to teach me for many years. It came to a head through a very special experience on my mission.
     The story actually starts long before my mission. Its no surprise to many that I struggled a lot with my health growing up. I was a very very very picky eater, which resulted in my being very underweight most of my life. Keeping that in mind, you can imagine the struggle I had deciding to go on a mission. Now, don't get me wrong, more than anything I wanted to serve a mission. Nothing would ever stop me from going... except perhaps my health. I didn't think I would be allowed to go. As I filled out my papers, that was the greatest fear on my mind. The hardest thing was going to the doctor, knowing that I probably would be too small to go. But then a miracle happened, I was approved! Tender Mercy #1. But even with the approval another thing weighed on my mind: what kind of food would I be expected to eat where I went? When I opened my call, Hawaii Honolulu Mission, I was overcome with joy, but the fear quickly set in concerning the food. Fish. Yuck. Taro. Yuck. Poi. Yuck. To add onto it, Polynesians take great pride in feeding the missionaries. I knew they wouldn't ever respect me if I didn't eat what was offered. Again I was scared, and deeply contemplated not going.
      Luckily, I did not give up and endured the fear for 3 months. The morning that I was set apart as a missionary my dad gave me a blessing, as he did us all when we would leave on our missions, and in the blessing he promised me that no matter what was put in front of me, if I trusted the Lord and ate it, I would be able to eat it and wouldn't get sick. Tears filled my eyes because I hadn't even really prayed and told God about it, yet here he answered that unheard prayer. I left for the mission. My first night in Hawaii I had fish. There it was in front of me. I remembered the blessing, said a prayer in my heart, closed my eyes, and took a bite. I loved it! Oh how God knew me! I never got sick because of the food I ate. I learned to love so much and my health improved. Somehow I was able to work to exhaustion day after day. And when I was transferred to a bike area, I was strengthened. I came home exhausted, but with a powerful lesson learned. God knew who I was! My heart was full. I did it. Because of God, I did it. People ask me why I still talk about Hawaii so much, asserting that I need to let it go and "come home." But they have no idea what God did for me out there. For the first time in my whole life, I felt like I was known by God. The people there accepted me for who I was, even when at times I was learning to like the food. It is a constant reminder of my most precious lesson in life. That is why I still talk about and jump for joy when I see those Polynesians I love so much. Later on I found out that my experience/story helped to literally save the life of a cancer patient who was scared to eat while doing therapy by inspiring her to trust God! God is amazing!
     Today I was reminded again of that lesson. This morning I was privileged to attend the farewell of someone I consider to be one of my most precious friends. I hadn't talked to her for a very long time. But when I was able to talk to her after her talk, I was almost brought to tears as she recounted to me what was happening in my life and asked how I was doing. She still cared about me as a close friend. You are probably wondering why I sound so surprised, well lets just say that because of my huge crush on her in high school, we had a complicated "history." But even during that time of our lives she helped me through what I consider to be one of the greatest trials of my life. And she stuck with me through it all, when no one else did. That is why she is such a precious friend to me. Today I realized how blessed I was for God bringing her into my life. And now as she goes her separate way I thank God for her. He knew me back then, and still knows me now by keeping my close friends with me. Since being home I have met a couple of other friends whose presence in my life has changed me for the better. Many are going their own ways so we don't see each other too often, but they have still changed my life.
     Whether it is sending friends to us in times of need, or answering the unsaid prayers. God is always there. His tender mercies fill our lives to remind us that He knows us and cares. I would invite you to take time and ponder His tender mercies in your life. If you are wondering if He loves you or want to know if He knows your deepest fears, I promise you can find the tender mercies that teach you that He is there. I testify of His love. He cares, always!

A Tiny Spark of Hope: Don't Give Up

     At times life is so simple.  Eat, sleep, work, school, social life (and/or dating), the Gospel, and family are the 6 simple facets of life.  Most of the time, they are pretty manageable as far as time goes.  Yes there are little flare-ups here and there in any given facet that demands more time, but through the ups and downs of life you can usually make your way.  And in the end, all you have to do to be happy is live the gospel.  It’s just that simple… Or is it?

     Out of nowhere an endless cloud of despair enshrouds your life.  All of a sudden you watch as the simple explodes into inexplicable complexity that just will not let you be.  Your mind is seized by inescapably dark, terrifying, and distressing thoughts that sink you deeper into despair.  To an outsider looking inward at you, they just see another “down” on life’s rollercoaster, but to you it seems to spiral never-endingly downward.  Seemingly simple bumps in the road, like getting a flat tire or getting sick, pile up and weigh you down more.  The little things that brought you joy your whole life are but fleeting moments now.  You watch as your family, whom you love so very very much, falls apart in front of your eyes.  Your friends are moving on with life, but you are still stuck in the middle of the road, exactly where you were months ago.  School just adds to the already complex situation, along with church callings and work. There is so much that you want to do and be, but it all just seems impossible.   You worry about every little thing you say to others, especially those who you are so close too, because you don’t want them to see you when you are weak when all you’ve tried to do is be strong for them in case they had hard times.  No one needs to see these wars fought in the personal chambers of your heart.  Often in public you have to exhort great effort just to hold back the tears, but as soon as you are alone, the floodgates open.  Even when surrounded by so many, you’ve never felt so alone.  The simple primary answers just aren’t cutting it.  As you pray, it seems the only answers you get are more trials.  Where is the balm in Gilead?  Where is the command for the tempest to cease?  God, are you there?

     Then one night as you stifle the cries and hold back the tears through closed eyes you notice something.  You aren’t sure if you are actually seeing something with your eyes or if your spiritual eyes are seeing it, but there appears to be a tiny flame, a spark, in the darkness.  You aren’t sure what it is, but its flicker somehow warms your soul enough to get you up the next day to try one more time.  At the end of the next day, there it is again.  You begin to realize that it has been there the whole time.  At times it has taken various corporeal forms of sorts: mission memories, scriptures, the smile of a beautiful angel, friends, music, and so much more. 

     Yet at the same time there is one form that connects them all: the face of your Savior.  He is smiling with a face that can only ever express love.  The words of a great hymn come to mind “I believe in Christ, so come what may…” You sang that hymn with such conviction before and have never doubted it, why doubt now?  Christ is there.  He always has been, even when testing your faith like never before.  You realize what that spark is: Hope.  It is the hope in Christ that never fails.  “Don’t give up, boy” he seems to say “Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead—a lot of it—You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come.” Anything is possible because of him.  The clouds disappear.  The sun comes out.  Peace returns to the soul. “oh yeah, life is simple when you turn to Christ…” Satan tries again and again to bring you back to that valley of despair, and on some days he succeeds, but no matter how hard he tries he cannot put out that flickering spark when you close your eyes.  The Savior always triumphs.

     To any who are reading this, I hope that perhaps that the spirit will testify to you as it has to me that the Savior is there.  Some of you may be in despair, yet still smiling to the outside world. Some of you may be suffering financially, emotionally, spiritually, with friends, family, or in many other ways big or small.  Don’t be ashamed to feel sorrow for things that the world would consider trivial, but are important to you.  Whatever your case may be know this: The Savior is there.  He is the Savior who will never abandon you.  To him, everything you do is important.  All achievements, small or great, fill him with joy.  And in the darkest of hours he is still there.  Trust me… I know from personal experience.  Please feel free to share this with anyone you now who is struggling or feel free to comment.  I testify to you of the Savior with all my heart! Close your eyes.  Look for the tiniest spark, the tiniest flicker of hope, the Savior.

Finding Solutions vs. Finding Soul-lutions

     "WELCOME HOME ELDER MAJOR!!" came the overwhelming scream from the bottom of the escalator. Tears welled up in my eyes, "I'm home" was the thought in my mind, but at the same time I had just left home. As I embraced my mom my thoughts were swimming with images of Hawaii, my friends in Orem, family, doubts, and desperate attempts to remember what "normal" life was like. After a blurry 45 minute ride home, I walked through the door of my house of 15 years, yet now it seemed so foreign. "Do I even remember where my own room is?" There in the family room was a card from my friends. Again the same phrase "WELCOME HOME ELDER MAJOR!" Looking back I wish it had the subtitle 'now real life begins, prepare for a roller-coaster' because after the initial shock of arriving home my life of adjustment began. Little did I know how difficult it would be and how much closer I would need to come to my Savior and my Heavenly Father.
     My purpose in writing this blog is to share with you one of the great lessons I have learned since that day almost one year ago. I'm hoping that it may serve to aid anyone who is searching for direction in life, regardless of whether or not they are really struggling or just experiencing normal life's ups and downs. It is for both groups of people. It all comes down to finding solutions vs. soul-lutions
     So many challenges have arisen since coming home.  One of the first things I realized was that I needed a job. I'm very blessed because my parents offer all of us boys a beginning job here at the house when we first come back. It is a great job. I'm learning a lot of handman skills, financial skills, and other things that are preparing me for future fatherhood. However, I quickly learned the difficulty of working at home. I became the center of many less-than-cordial conversations concerning who I work for more, my mom or my dad. Also, I realized that I had quickly lost my independence, financial and emotional, that I had gained on the mission because I had everything provided for by my parents. My self-discipline waned. Over the course of this year I've searched and searched for solutions, including trying to create a strict schedule of my time or leaving the house while things cooled down. But it seemed no matter what I did I just couldn't find a permanent solution.
    I also found myself lost in the big sea of dating once I arrived home. I'll be honest, I was excited because now dating was "for real" I had never dated anyone in High School or even attempted to (though I did wish for it sometimes). Just to let you know, dating isn't like what it was in High School. That is what I quickly learned. I have been averaging about 2 dates a month since coming home, with maybe 1 or 2 months with none at all. I met a lot of wonderful girls and had great experiences, but it just seemed that a first date was all I could get.  Again I started looking for solutions. I trained myself to be better at small talk, I constantly evaluated my date "performance" and tried to change who I was to be more "appealing", at least that is what I thought in my mind. But the solutions just didn't fix it.
     Similar stories of searching for solutions were part of all other aspects of my life.  School, friendships, and even church. And I think that is so often what all of us are looking for. We want solutions to life's challenges.  We look to ourselves, professionals, friends, and family often to find ways to fix our problems or to make life just a little bit better. Often solutions work with many temporal things.  An accountant can be very helpful in filing taxes, or therapists help many many people learn tactics to deal with the everyday stresses of life. I'm not trying to discredit solutions at all, but the often difficult thing is that they only last for a little while, and we can become so reliant upon them that we forget about the higher power watching over us. Over time, I eventually gave up on finding solutions to my problems, and it was when I humbled myself that I was reminded that I needed to begin looking for soul-lutions. I remembered how in the mission, it was never my own merits that would solve things, but the Lord.  No matter how hard the days were, I knew that the Lord was in charge.
     It was once I stopped asking myself for guidance (ie what can I do to be better, how can I be a better date, how can I make my family better) and turned to the Lord that I began to see the light. The fog began to lift.  I started receiving soul-lutions to my problems. The spirit would come to me and reveal things to me that would be perfect for every situation, and more often than not it was something completely different than the solution I had come up with.  I soon learned that I was working for my parents because my mom needed support because of her waning health. In return, she became a mouthpiece for the spirit to teach me and fill me with wisdom. Even more so, the spirit brought peace to my soul concerning my job. In dating, the spirit taught me to be calm and realize that I needed to slow down and just be me. It isn't a race to finish (that isn't what Elder Scott meant!), but a journey to find someone with whom I can spend eternity with. Instead of me searching out for people to answer my questions, the Lord sent them to me. Life began to make sense.
     Soul-lutions quite often, at least for me, aren't specific directions as to what to do in life. Rather they are feelings of hope, peace, and love from an all wise Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ. They make the impossible seem possible. They make us better instead of change who we are. They make us feel worth something instead of make us search for flaws. They open our eyes to truth about situations and problems. Soul-lutions are the Lord's fixes to the world. Sometimes they don't make sense or they don't take away the problem at hand. And sometimes the Lord doesn't say anything at all but entrusts us to make decisions on our own, but at the same time he supports us all the way through.  I compare soul-lutions to the manna fed to Israel in the wilderness.  The BD describes it as a substance that cannot be found anywhere in this mortal world, and Israel even asked "what is it?" But it filled them and was provided by heaven.  So too soul-lutions cannot be provided by the mortal, but are heaven sent.  They feed us in ways that the solutions cannot.
     Solutions are the worldly ways to fix things. In the end, the question is if we are willing to swallow our pride and accept the soul-lutions the Lord gives us, or are we going to try and do it on our own? We are children of God! He wants to help us! We need to humble ourselves, recognize that, and be willing to accept the soul-lutions that He gives us. They aren't always what we want, but they are always what we need! So I invite any who read this, including myself, to ask "am I looking for soul-lutions or solutions?" and really evaluate yourself.  Soul-lutions will bring peace to your soul. I know that from my experience. It is a lesson that I've relearned since being home, and it was a precious lesson that helped me make it through two years in Hawaii. The Lord does care. I hope we can all learn to listen to and trust Him.

They Call it Courage: Following Footsteps of Faith

Its almost midnight and I've been doing homework for hours now, but my head is swimming with thoughts that have been bugging me for quite some time.  Lets just say that in the past few months I've had some of the greatest lessons taught to me that are just stuck. They are lessons concerning courage.  What is courage you ask? That is an interesting question, and a difficult one to answer.  I'll start with an example from my own life then elaborate and provide more examples.  The example is my Grandpa Major.  My Grandpa Major is the greatest man I have ever met in my life. He passed away almost 7 years ago... wow has it been that long... my grandpa never knew riches or wealth or the easy life. His father committed suicide when he was just a small boy and he was raised by a single mother during the Great Depression. Despite his difficult circumstances, he never was hindered by them in deciding to be great.  When he turned 18 he served a mission opening up much of what is now part of the mission in Uruguay, even though back then serving a mission was not popular among young men, and actually very difficult to do.  But he went.  Upon coming home he met my grandmother, a woman not easy to woo, but he persisted. They were married and raised 5 children. His career of choice hardly was one that provided convenience for his family, but he loved being an artist and he stuck with it.  My memories of him are only memories of love and perseverance. The passion for chivalry expressed in my previous blog I attribute to this great man. Although wealth was never his companion, I've never seen so many people attend a funeral service before because of the love and courage this man had exemplified in his life. I miss him so much. I don't think I've ever looked up to a man more than him.  

Courage to me is more than just facing danger and evil. Its more than saying no to drugs. Looking at my grandpa, I see that courage is the willingness to pursue what is right.  To be what we desire to be. To choose to love and care rather than acquire praise and honor. It takes courage to trust in yourself.  It takes courage to follow through on promptings given by the spirit.

But of course, you may have heard many of these definitions before. So I want to share some things I've learned take courage in the life of an average college student.  I, like many, have realized how swamped I am with school, work, and diminishing social activities. Yet, I will now admit that I have not taken upon myself as much as I know that I can.  I have come to realize that I have been living a very very easy life compared to many others. Friends, my grandpa, and other family members of mine are soo busy being grown up, and here I am living in the plush comforts of my parents house.  It takes courage to grow-up and take upon ourselves the responsibilities of adulthood.  It takes courage to add a few more work hours. It takes courage to get another job, to save money, and to provide for a family.  It takes courage to stay up late at night to finish homework that needs to be done.  It takes courage to say no, even when just another 30 minutes with friends would be so good.  But it also takes courage to find time to relax. It takes courage to get the right amount of sleep every now and then. It takes courage to be a friend to everyone.

Everything in our life is affect by our courage.  Think of when you know you've received revelation for yourself, that goes contrary to what the crowd may do, (ie dating, going on a mission, etc..) it takes courage to follow those promptings.  It takes courage to be patient in waiting for the one, or to finally get the guts to ask that special someone out.  It takes courage to stick it out to the end.  It takes courage to want to follow God's will more than what you desire, even if it is a righteous desire and you know your heart will hurt so much letting go.  It takes courage to shed tears and cry to the Lord from the depths of despair for the smallest things in your life. He does know you! It takes courage to be what the Lord wants you to be.
Anyway, I just thought I would share my thoughts with you.  As a last thought, to me courage is the connection between faith and action.  It takes courage to follow the things that we have faith in. Let us all pray that we can have courage to do, and be what we need to!